Withholding
I read a lot. It’s an old habit which gives me pleasure and pain. Many things I read, like good detective mysteries, are engaging because they teach me about asking the right questions and listening carefully to the responses. People reveal a good deal by the way they answer a question. Their answers also speak volumes by what they do not say. That makes me conscious of how, in general, we have all learned to omit certain things when we express ourselves. This is called withholding. Even those of us who consider ourselves good communicators subtly edit what we say, often without realizing it.
Withholding information can be used as a strategy to gain power over someone. “Knowledge is power,” we’re told. In our personal and professional relationships we sometimes use knowledge to keep the upper hand. There is a long history of “Keepers of the Truth” traditions. High priests kept others in their places by engaging in the use of secret or sacred languages and texts. Professionals of all stripes develop an insider language littered with arcane words and technical phrases that create the impression that they alone can hold these truths. “National Security” is a phrase commonly invoked when institutions want to retain control over the facts. These days, even the value of “facts” is under scrutiny. When we dare to question authority, the jargon we get distances us from understanding and discourages further inquiry. The ultimate danger of withholding knowledge is that it undermines our ability to make informed decisions.
Good detectives are onto this and trust their own intuition and knowledge in the pursuit of truth. Speaking truth to power, or for that matter, to those in relationships with us, is challenging and complicated. How do you respond to a question like, “Does this dress make me look fat?” Sometimes we opt for kindness as a substitute for “the hard truth.” I ask myself if I am using the truth, as I see it, as a way to further the conversation or as a weapon.
We should never underestimate the insidious power of withholding important information. In general, my sense is that we should share any information we have as soon as we get it and trust others to use it or not. Trust, in every aspect of our lives, is built on the foundation of freely shared knowledge.
