Hijacked!

Hijacked: A Metaphor

You’re on the high seas at the rudder. Suddenly, from nowhere, a pirate ship has come alongside.  Ropes are cast onto your vessel. You did not see it coming; there was no warning. The invaders are quickly boarding your ship. They have quickly replaced your crew, tossed some overboard and enslaved the rest. A stranger has grabbed the helm and rendered you helpless. A new course has been set and you have not been consulted. Instead, you are commanded to step aside and follow orders.

When old messages from your primitive brain are triggered by some comment or action, you go into survival mode. Your brain feels like it is under attack. Before you know it, you are reacting to this unidentified threat. You say or do something that will later seem “out of character,” or you make a decision based on a fear that has no name. An unknown force has taken over your brain and usurped all cognitive functions. You have been hijacked.

You are your own hijacker. That is, your brain has, ironically, hijacked itself. Why? How?

Parts of your old narrative have arrived unexpectedly in your conscious brain. It may be reminding you that you are not enough, not smart enough, not worthy of love, discard-able. It may be calling you a fraud. If people ever really knew who you were, they would neither like nor respect you. Your opinion is less important than that of others. The refrain continues along these lines, undermining your self-confidence. You are no longer capable of navigating your ship. Something else takes over. Disgust and humiliation drop down on you. Your free action has been undermined. You are a slave who must mindlessly obey the mandates that accompany the old narrative.

This story comes from a distant place, perhaps beyond your ability to clearly remember. It is a negative source which initiates the hijacking. Its origin is often some form of abandonment. An absent caregiver, an unresponsive parent, an addicted father or mother, a depressed adult who could not be there for you. These negative impacts do not necessarily come from evil monsters determined to destroy your self-respect. In many instances, the negative source that played a vital role in your childhood was struggling and was incapable of supporting you in a healthy way. It doesn’t matter. When they failed to bond with you, a sense of loss remained. That absence created the story that you are not important; not seen; not worthy of their attention and love.

You have integrated this injury into your evolving narrative. Eventually, you accept this as truth. You carry it forward in life. You may achieve success and recognition in your adult years, but somehow it never feels like it’s enough. You must do more. Write an even better book, be the best parent ever, work more hours, perfect your life to a point beyond criticism, seek love wherever you can to prove that you are worthy of it, drink or drug your way through the ever present pain at the center of your soul.

These are all symptoms of abandonment. The antidotes: consciousness of the source; putting action into the world that is the opposite of the abuse you suffered. Practice loyalty in the face of abandonment; speak the truth to combat a life of lying and being lied to; be present and attentive and attuned to those who need you. Behavior changes trigger brain changes. New neural networks are created when we act into the world in different ways. These changes, over time, create neurological support systems similar to those in former smokers who have dropped the habit and take up a new habit like running. The brain must change to accommodate new behavior and act as antidotes for old traumas.

Honesty heals deception. Attunement heals abandonment. Loyalty heals betrayal. Presence heals absence.

Change old behavior. The brain responds by adapting to the change. A new story is created that is a healthier version of yourself. You are the captain again. The hijackers are kicked off the ship.

Photo by spablab